Let these funny quotes about life remind you of such times but also you can read between the lines and find the wisdom that they offer. Witty Quotes and Sayings: Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected has its funny moments. Top 40 Funny Witty Quotes.
Some likely places to share your wit include your Wedding Invitations.102. Will’s 10 Favourite Witty Quotes Guy’s 10 Favourite Witty Quotes 10 More Short Witty Quotes Famous Sayings Quotes from Famous Authors Contents0.0.0.1 1 Will’s 10 Favourite Witty Funny Quotes2 Guy’s 10 Favourite Witty and Funny Quotes3 10 More Short Witty Quotes4 Famous Witty Funny Quotes Read More Place your funny quotes, sayings, proverbs and pairings where they are most. See more ideas about sayings, bones funny, funny quotes.Here is Will and Guy’s collection of short quotes from famous people. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” — Alice Roosevelt LongworthExplore Katrina Conwell's board 'Witty Sayings', followed by 101 people on Pinterest.
I told him, At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.103. Charles Dickens funny Quotes jokes A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. Markus Herz I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.
“All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. “Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.” — James Joyce106. “We owe a lot to Thomas Edison — if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.” — Milton Berle105. Humorous to hilarious cool quotes for hot topics: Success, Money, Work, Life, Death.104. I should have been more specific.
You love animals, but you eat them. “You love flowers, but you cut them. I’m tired of solving them for your own.”108. “Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems.
Then it becomes a soap opera.”115. “Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. “Maybe if we tell people that brains is an app, they’ll start using it.”114.
“I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.”119. But when you fart just one time…”118. Most of the time.when you’re happy, nobody sees your smile. Most of the time.when you’re worried, nobody feels your pain. “Most of the time.when you’re crying, nobody notices your tears. “I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones.that’s what it’s called a ‘cell’ phone.”117.
I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.”123. “When I said that I cleaned my room. “Dear life, when I said ‘can this day get any worse’ it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.”RELATED: 30 Sarcastic Quotes & Funny Memes To Live By Every Single Day122. “I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”121. Sometimes the M is silent.”120.
“Lazy is such an ugly word. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.”125. “Some people are like clouds. That way I can say I go the Jim every morning.”124.
“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” — Alexander Woolcott129. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A. “Why didn’t I use my turn signals? It’s nobody’s business where I’m going.”127.
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope134. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson133. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” — Benjamin Franklin132. “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” — Ashleigh Brilliant131.
“Never doubt the courage of the French. “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” — Dave Barry140. “It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.” — Dave Barry139. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” — Daniel J. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb137. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” — Charles de Gaulle136.
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.” — Emo Philips144. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard143. “Do not take life too seriously. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” — Earl Wilson142.
I put the 'pro' in procrastinate." 150. "I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed." 149. "What do I do for a living? 'I breathe in and out.'" 148. “You’re only good as your last haircut.” — Fran Lebowitz147. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway146. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” — Emo Philips145.
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